— Zeb Colter
BILOXI —WWE Superstar and #1 contender, Jack Swagger, was arrested last night following a Smackdown taping in Biloxi, Mississippi after allegedly violating several major traffic laws.
"Jack Swagger doesn’t need some big government, nanny state bureaucrats telling him how fast he can drive, to wear a seatbelt, or what sidewalk he can barrel down at two in the morning," said Zeb Colter, Swagger’s manager and confidant, during a news conference addressing the arrest.
"I thought this was America? Land of the free? Next you’re going to tell me he needs to have some kind of government ID in order to operate his own motor vehicle. You know who else made people carry ID? Hitler!"
Colter was then asked about his role in the evening’s events.
"You mean to tell me I set 47 gooks on fire in a Vietnamese jungle just so I could come home and have my government tell me that Jack Swagger is supposed to stop his car just because some flashing doohickey turned red? This man is about to be the Champion of the World for chrissakes!"
Mr. Colter continued his remarks, even as reporters exited the press conference.